Khamis, 26 Januari 2012

Don't belong

It was like that time when I was still a kid. There was a bouncy castle, and the kids were divided into two groups: the big kids and the small kids. Two different teachers were in charge for each group. I joined the small kids group schedule to play on the bouncy castle. But after a few jumps, the teacher asked me to get down and join in the big kids session. So I sat aside, and waited for the big kids turn. When it was the big kids turn, I went on the bouncy castle again. But it wasn't long before the teacher for this session called me down and asked me to join the small kids session. I tried again, for the small kids session..but the teacher had set me aside from the very beginning, saying that she had already told me that I'm too big to join the small kids group.

I finally realized that I was just wasting my time; might as well go and play with other toys or get my face painted.

Never really did belong anywhere..

Is it good or bad?

Allah knows best.

Rabu, 31 Ogos 2011

Sayap dibuka


HBO telah mengembangkan sayap ke alamat berikut: http://fairytaleho.wordpress.com/

Jemputlah membaca.

Isnin, 30 Mei 2011

Perancangan Allah


Salam all,

Currently writing from Oman. Why is the title ‘Perancangan Allah’? Because I never ever thought or dream that I would one day put my feet in Oman. Yet, here I am, in a desert somewhere in Oman. And, as a muslim, I strongly believe that this has already been planned by Allah.

Also, before flying to Oman, I had two options. To take the Emirates and transit in Dubai, or take Oman Air and fly directly to Muscat. Many suggested for me to take the Emirates, as I would have the chance to at least see how Dubai is like. Not to forget, I would then be able to say that I have been in Dubai. However, not liking the fact that I will transit for four hours in Dubai (which wouldn’t be sufficient for me to go out and see Dubai anyway), I decided to take Oman Air. I thought, well, probably Allah has not planned for me to go to Dubai. And I wondered if I ever will have that chance.

However, just yesterday, the team geologists informed me that they wanted me to renew my visa so that I can extend my stay in Oman for another 2 weeks or so. In order for me to renew my Visa, I will have to go out to Dubai for 2 days before returning to Oman. Yes, WOW! 2 days is what I need to explore Dubai! huhu.. insya-Allah, only with Allah’s will, this will happen.

I had also previously set foot in Vietnam for four months. Another place which I never thought I’d go to in my life time. Yet, there I was, longer than initially planned. 

Who knows where else Allah has planned for me to travel to. However, no matter where, the most important thing out of all this journey is what you gain from it. Does each journey brings you closer to Allah? Does each journey allows you to reflect upon yourself, how you have lived your life and how you plan to live your life? Does each journey makes you an even better person when you return? If the answer is NO to the above questions, then, probably all the journey was just a waste of time. But if the answer is YES, well, good on ya! You deserve to travel a lot more.. heee~

To me, I’m trying hard so that the answer to the questions above is YES. Insya-Allah.

Sabtu, 19 Februari 2011

Hijrah Menuju Allah

Hijrah Menuju Allah; a nasyid sung by Devotees. I've known about this song for a few years already. It is the background song for one of my friend's blog. It was the theme song for the juniors of 2009. And it is also in my nasyid playlists, so I do listen to it occasionally. However, the song has never been that significant to me.

Recently, I came across the lyrics of the nasyid as I was browsing through the internet. When I saw this lyrics, I decided to stop and read through it. And for the first time, the lyrics seemed so meaningful to me, that I felt like crying.

The song is about hijrah. To move from one state to a better state. And to do the hijrah, you have to be very determined.

Bulat niat tekadmu, dalam hijrah mu itu.

And when you have firmly make your decision to make that move, do not fear, as Allah will be with you along the journey.

Allah nanti kan bersama, tempuh jalan yang diredhai..

When you decide to Hijrah, you have to be clear, that the reason you are making this move is solely because of Allah. Because you seek for Allah's blessing. You seek for Allah's love. You seek for Allah's guidance. And you know, that the very same step has been taken by our beloved prophet, Muhammad s.a.w, and his fellow companions, the tabi' and the tabii'ns. All of them, doing it solely for the same purpose; that is to seek for Allah's blessing.

Hijrahmu menuju Allah,
ia sunnah para nabi,
para salihin dan muttaqin,
kembara hati menuju Illahi..

Along the journey, you will face many trials and tribulations. It won't be easy. It never is, saying goodbye to our comfort zone. Saying goodbye to something or someone we dearly love. Saying No! to our lusts and jahiliyah. But we know we have to make the move for the better. Because our purpose of life is Allah. And during the journey, we will miss these things so much. Our heart will be broken to pieces remembering what we have finally decided to leave behind because these things have been a major part of our life before. Regrets and evil whispers starts taking over ourselves that we may at times stop in the middle of the journey and start thinking about turning back. We don't feel like we have the strength to carry on. But dears, when you feel all hopeless and weak, remember, you still have Him. Plead Him for the strength to remain steadfast and to move on.

Andai rasa diri lemah,
diperjalanan hijrahmu
sendirian, tanpa mampu
Mohonlah pada Tuhanmu..

The journey is difficult. The journey is tough. This journey does not promises you red carpets with red roses petals. But always remember, this journey is for Allah. And Allah has promised, that for those who fight for His course, He will give you the best ever reward.. His Paradise.

Hijrah ini memang susah
Hijrah ini memang payah
Hijrah ini menuju Allah
di hujungnya..hasanah

stay strong girl.. hidup ini satu perjuangan

Isnin, 20 Disember 2010


Ok, there's gonna be a lot of ranting today.. so bear with me aite.

Last saturday, I attended the rig's weekly safety meeting. At the end of it, there will always be a lucky draw and the lucky person will get some amount of cash. What will be drawn is the week's submitted safety card. Being the only lady on the rig, the HSE officer gave me the honor to make the pick.

With honor, I stood up and rumbled through the set of safety cards in the box, and picked out one card. The HSE officer read out the name. Suddenly, everyone was saying "cahnge..change" as that person is no longer on board. Another officer at the back informed everyone that the personal has left the rig due to an emergency. The guy's father in law had just passed away so he needed to go home immediately. There was a lot of talking made after that. The HSE officer then asked to everyone, "Do you think we should keep this money for that guy?". Then everyone replied, "Yes..yes.. he will need the money". I was really taken aback. Suddenly everyone became so understanding and didn't matter if the money was to go to someone not on the rig. At the end of the day, I thought, no matter what race you are from, a human will still carry with them human values.

That night, logging operation was to commenced. (Please note that this has nothing to do with the story above). I had to be there and monitor the operation. Knowing that it will be a long night, I brought my small Hafazan book with me to keep me occupied. Once the logging operation started, while all the other personnels were talking to each other in Viatnamese, I took out my little book. I had a few options, to refresh the surah the I had once memorized, to read the Quran with it's translation, to read and memorize any of the fourty hadith, or to read ma'thurat. I opted for refreshing the surahs that I had memorized, since it has been a long time since I check my Hafalan, what more to hafal new surahs. So that was what I did. At times when I kind of got stuck somewhere, I'd put my head down on the desk and read it out aloud; well, loud enough for me to hear myself. That way, I could focus more.

At one point, I picked my head up and the wireline engineer took that chance to ask me, "are you alright?". Startled at first, but later chuckled, I answered yes, I was fine. I was just memorizing. The engineer ask: memorizing the Quran?

I answered: Yes

The engineer asked again: why? Is someone going to check when you go back home?

Chuckling again, I answered: No, no..no one is going to check. This is just for myself.

The engineer then nodded, understanding.

Then they (the engineer and another geologist) started asking me questions about Islam. One was that they know if men follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, he would go to heaven where he will have a blissful life etc. He asked, what about women? In which I replied that it works the same way for women too. If the women follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, women will also enter paradise. He was kind of surprised..maybe because he has only heard about mens before. They also asked the most famous question in Islam about why men get to marry up to four wives; which they of course are against it. And they asked a few other questions too. I also took my chance to ask, what their purpose of life is. Since they don't believe in life after death. Like, why do they have to be good on earth and strive for a living when they can just go rob a bank and live a wealthy life -to which they just sengih. I mean, if they believe that once someone dies, you bury their dead body and their body get decompose by bacteria and that's the end of story, then why do you even bother to live a good decent life when you also have the option to be cruel? This, of course, they had no answer too, and which they admit was a hard question to answer.

Anyway, regarding me doing my Hafalan, I initially hesitated to bring the book out of my pocket. It is kind of a weird thing to do in a wireline unit; whatmore when no one else in that unit is a Muslim. But, if I don't bring the book out, then I will just be staring blankly at the screen for the next few hours. At the end of it, I realized that by ignoring the whispers to be ashamed of such an act, I've actually kind of like introduced Islam to people who may have not had the chance to ask or know much about it before. So, I believe, there is never any harm in being a good Muslim. Nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, even if I was in a muslim country, I think the burden will be more; bringing out my hafalan book and do hafazan when all other muslims around you can't be bothered and might also end up calling you a saint.

Oh yeah, they did kind of noticed the trend that oil and gas are always where the muslims live. And this works even in Vietnam and in Thailand. Wherever the Muslims are living, that's the area with most oil compared to other parts of a country where there are non or less muslims. Then I said, maybe if you become a Muslim, then there will be more oil in your country.. to which I chuckled and they grinned.

On another note, while I was going through my hafazan on Juzu' Amma, I stopped at surah Al-Humazah. Yes, that's the surah which Allah talks about backbitting and how they would end up in Allah's hell, Al-Hutomah. I pondered upon that surah; and about how I personally have slowly forgotten this particular command of Allah. I recalled the times when I've been saying bad things about others to other people; either purposely or accidently (if it even exist!). And even if I hadn't said anything bad, I've sat and listened to other people talking bad things about others; and suprisingly enough finding myself enjoying the gossip. I also remembered how back in Australia, we were trained to leave this particular behaviour, which is also well known to be a typical behaviour of a women. I also remembered how, in my final year, when all those who are going back for good that year sat together to muhasabah and preparing ourselves to return to Malaysia, everyone acknowledge this behavior which is very common among Malaysians and vowed to try our best to not get involved with it. Obviously, I had forgotten all this; and they are all just coming back to me at that moment. Silently, I begged forgiveness from Allah. For forgetting, and for getting involved. I vowed to try my best to always remember to not get involve in such activity any more..for as long as I can help it. It's kind of difficult to do that here, especially when you have started working. There would always be at least one person who just irritates other people, or treat others badly, that you just can't help it but to talk to other people about it. And it blaze up the fire if that friend also has the same experience with the same person and strted fueling the fire with their own stories. It's bad, I know....I hope I will always remember Allah's warning that I will end up in Al-Hutomah if I continue doing that. If you ever find me doing that, please remind me ok?

Alright, I told you there will be a lot of ranting tonight. Going to catch some sleep before drilling starts again.

Oh ya, just before that, I thought I might just share some photo of my nephew. Wah.. I'm an auntie already?? :-P

Adam Alfatih with his grandmother

Adam Alfatih

Orite.. need my sleep. Salaam

Rabu, 15 Disember 2010


Had no intention.

Simply letting out what I feel deep inside.

The struggle to be a good muslimah and maintaining my amal fardhi. The struggle to not fall into jahiliyah. But failing. Simply because I'm not strong enough.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Sabtu, 31 Julai 2010

Read, read, read

I am so impressed by those who reads a lot of books. Some people that I know, the moment they get their hands on a new book, they will read through it and finish it straight away. And start looking for a new book.

I still remember, among my resolutions earlier this year was to read more books. And I did manage to do that, then. You can see the list of books I've read at the right hand margin of this blog. However, since I started working in April, I never seem to had the time to read a book.

But, I don't really think it's the time to blame. I do have time, but I tend to use those free times for other stuffs. So, maybe I can put the blame on the lack of interets to read?. But then, the intrest of buying new books is still there. Thus, eventually, my room gets filled up with new books, but are left unread. Even if I do read it, it stops after the first few pages.

But seriously, I really do want to read more books. I admit, through reading, you expand your knowledge. You step out from the darkness into the light. Your mind becomes more active and critical as you train it to think and analyse stuffs that you read. You get to open up a more beneficial and meaningful conversation with your friends as you have something better to talk about rather than just gossiping about people or blaming the wrong people based on the rumors that you've been hearing.

I remember I used to be a book worm once. That was when I was still a kid. Those days, Enid Blyton's books were my favourite. Everytime I bought a new book, I'd sit down and read it, and untill I've read the last word on the last page of the book, I will not stir. I miss those times, when I can get my head burried in books for ages and ages. But nowadays, when I open up to read a book, it doesn't take more than 3 paragraphs for my eyes to start closing. Am I really that tired working???

Sometimes I feel like wanting to take the public transport to work instead of driving. So that I can actually use the travelling time to read. But, having the KTM in my mind...nah! With the number of people that fills up each coach, I don't think it will work.

Sometimes I carry book with me in the car when I am the passenger. But I get dizzy too easily. So the book will just remain in my hands. And will return home, unread.

Sometime I bring books with me to the surau, so that I can read before Zohor. But, again, after the first paragraphs, the book will slip out of my hands and I'd be asleep.

Oh boy..oh boy! What do I do now? I feel so left behind. Or, in other words, 'bagaikan katak di bawah tempurung'. They also say that 'masyarakat yang berjaya adalah masyarakat yang membaca'. It's true, I know. What more, as a muslim, we have to be that successful nation. Thus, I have to read. And read. And read!

If you have any tips to share with me, on how I can start reading again..do share. If not, then pray that I can pick up the momentum and interest in reading again.