Isnin, 20 Disember 2010


Ok, there's gonna be a lot of ranting today.. so bear with me aite.

Last saturday, I attended the rig's weekly safety meeting. At the end of it, there will always be a lucky draw and the lucky person will get some amount of cash. What will be drawn is the week's submitted safety card. Being the only lady on the rig, the HSE officer gave me the honor to make the pick.

With honor, I stood up and rumbled through the set of safety cards in the box, and picked out one card. The HSE officer read out the name. Suddenly, everyone was saying "cahnge..change" as that person is no longer on board. Another officer at the back informed everyone that the personal has left the rig due to an emergency. The guy's father in law had just passed away so he needed to go home immediately. There was a lot of talking made after that. The HSE officer then asked to everyone, "Do you think we should keep this money for that guy?". Then everyone replied, "Yes..yes.. he will need the money". I was really taken aback. Suddenly everyone became so understanding and didn't matter if the money was to go to someone not on the rig. At the end of the day, I thought, no matter what race you are from, a human will still carry with them human values.

That night, logging operation was to commenced. (Please note that this has nothing to do with the story above). I had to be there and monitor the operation. Knowing that it will be a long night, I brought my small Hafazan book with me to keep me occupied. Once the logging operation started, while all the other personnels were talking to each other in Viatnamese, I took out my little book. I had a few options, to refresh the surah the I had once memorized, to read the Quran with it's translation, to read and memorize any of the fourty hadith, or to read ma'thurat. I opted for refreshing the surahs that I had memorized, since it has been a long time since I check my Hafalan, what more to hafal new surahs. So that was what I did. At times when I kind of got stuck somewhere, I'd put my head down on the desk and read it out aloud; well, loud enough for me to hear myself. That way, I could focus more.

At one point, I picked my head up and the wireline engineer took that chance to ask me, "are you alright?". Startled at first, but later chuckled, I answered yes, I was fine. I was just memorizing. The engineer ask: memorizing the Quran?

I answered: Yes

The engineer asked again: why? Is someone going to check when you go back home?

Chuckling again, I answered: No, no..no one is going to check. This is just for myself.

The engineer then nodded, understanding.

Then they (the engineer and another geologist) started asking me questions about Islam. One was that they know if men follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, he would go to heaven where he will have a blissful life etc. He asked, what about women? In which I replied that it works the same way for women too. If the women follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, women will also enter paradise. He was kind of surprised..maybe because he has only heard about mens before. They also asked the most famous question in Islam about why men get to marry up to four wives; which they of course are against it. And they asked a few other questions too. I also took my chance to ask, what their purpose of life is. Since they don't believe in life after death. Like, why do they have to be good on earth and strive for a living when they can just go rob a bank and live a wealthy life -to which they just sengih. I mean, if they believe that once someone dies, you bury their dead body and their body get decompose by bacteria and that's the end of story, then why do you even bother to live a good decent life when you also have the option to be cruel? This, of course, they had no answer too, and which they admit was a hard question to answer.

Anyway, regarding me doing my Hafalan, I initially hesitated to bring the book out of my pocket. It is kind of a weird thing to do in a wireline unit; whatmore when no one else in that unit is a Muslim. But, if I don't bring the book out, then I will just be staring blankly at the screen for the next few hours. At the end of it, I realized that by ignoring the whispers to be ashamed of such an act, I've actually kind of like introduced Islam to people who may have not had the chance to ask or know much about it before. So, I believe, there is never any harm in being a good Muslim. Nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, even if I was in a muslim country, I think the burden will be more; bringing out my hafalan book and do hafazan when all other muslims around you can't be bothered and might also end up calling you a saint.

Oh yeah, they did kind of noticed the trend that oil and gas are always where the muslims live. And this works even in Vietnam and in Thailand. Wherever the Muslims are living, that's the area with most oil compared to other parts of a country where there are non or less muslims. Then I said, maybe if you become a Muslim, then there will be more oil in your country.. to which I chuckled and they grinned.

On another note, while I was going through my hafazan on Juzu' Amma, I stopped at surah Al-Humazah. Yes, that's the surah which Allah talks about backbitting and how they would end up in Allah's hell, Al-Hutomah. I pondered upon that surah; and about how I personally have slowly forgotten this particular command of Allah. I recalled the times when I've been saying bad things about others to other people; either purposely or accidently (if it even exist!). And even if I hadn't said anything bad, I've sat and listened to other people talking bad things about others; and suprisingly enough finding myself enjoying the gossip. I also remembered how back in Australia, we were trained to leave this particular behaviour, which is also well known to be a typical behaviour of a women. I also remembered how, in my final year, when all those who are going back for good that year sat together to muhasabah and preparing ourselves to return to Malaysia, everyone acknowledge this behavior which is very common among Malaysians and vowed to try our best to not get involved with it. Obviously, I had forgotten all this; and they are all just coming back to me at that moment. Silently, I begged forgiveness from Allah. For forgetting, and for getting involved. I vowed to try my best to always remember to not get involve in such activity any more..for as long as I can help it. It's kind of difficult to do that here, especially when you have started working. There would always be at least one person who just irritates other people, or treat others badly, that you just can't help it but to talk to other people about it. And it blaze up the fire if that friend also has the same experience with the same person and strted fueling the fire with their own stories. It's bad, I know....I hope I will always remember Allah's warning that I will end up in Al-Hutomah if I continue doing that. If you ever find me doing that, please remind me ok?

Alright, I told you there will be a lot of ranting tonight. Going to catch some sleep before drilling starts again.

Oh ya, just before that, I thought I might just share some photo of my nephew. Wah.. I'm an auntie already?? :-P

Adam Alfatih with his grandmother

Adam Alfatih

Orite.. need my sleep. Salaam

Rabu, 15 Disember 2010


Had no intention.

Simply letting out what I feel deep inside.

The struggle to be a good muslimah and maintaining my amal fardhi. The struggle to not fall into jahiliyah. But failing. Simply because I'm not strong enough.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Sabtu, 31 Julai 2010

Read, read, read

I am so impressed by those who reads a lot of books. Some people that I know, the moment they get their hands on a new book, they will read through it and finish it straight away. And start looking for a new book.

I still remember, among my resolutions earlier this year was to read more books. And I did manage to do that, then. You can see the list of books I've read at the right hand margin of this blog. However, since I started working in April, I never seem to had the time to read a book.

But, I don't really think it's the time to blame. I do have time, but I tend to use those free times for other stuffs. So, maybe I can put the blame on the lack of interets to read?. But then, the intrest of buying new books is still there. Thus, eventually, my room gets filled up with new books, but are left unread. Even if I do read it, it stops after the first few pages.

But seriously, I really do want to read more books. I admit, through reading, you expand your knowledge. You step out from the darkness into the light. Your mind becomes more active and critical as you train it to think and analyse stuffs that you read. You get to open up a more beneficial and meaningful conversation with your friends as you have something better to talk about rather than just gossiping about people or blaming the wrong people based on the rumors that you've been hearing.

I remember I used to be a book worm once. That was when I was still a kid. Those days, Enid Blyton's books were my favourite. Everytime I bought a new book, I'd sit down and read it, and untill I've read the last word on the last page of the book, I will not stir. I miss those times, when I can get my head burried in books for ages and ages. But nowadays, when I open up to read a book, it doesn't take more than 3 paragraphs for my eyes to start closing. Am I really that tired working???

Sometimes I feel like wanting to take the public transport to work instead of driving. So that I can actually use the travelling time to read. But, having the KTM in my mind...nah! With the number of people that fills up each coach, I don't think it will work.

Sometimes I carry book with me in the car when I am the passenger. But I get dizzy too easily. So the book will just remain in my hands. And will return home, unread.

Sometime I bring books with me to the surau, so that I can read before Zohor. But, again, after the first paragraphs, the book will slip out of my hands and I'd be asleep.

Oh boy..oh boy! What do I do now? I feel so left behind. Or, in other words, 'bagaikan katak di bawah tempurung'. They also say that 'masyarakat yang berjaya adalah masyarakat yang membaca'. It's true, I know. What more, as a muslim, we have to be that successful nation. Thus, I have to read. And read. And read!

If you have any tips to share with me, on how I can start reading again..do share. If not, then pray that I can pick up the momentum and interest in reading again.

Sabtu, 17 Julai 2010


Ramadhan is coming in less than a month. Unfortunately, i'm still not feeling excited about it. *sigh*

Tahun ni, kena usahakan sendiri untuk menghidupkan Ramadhan.
Tahun ni, kena cari pengganti Rusden sebagai tempat menunaikan solat Terawikh.
Tahun ni, kena cari pengganti Beddoe sebagai tempat untuk bangun qiam tiap-tiap malam.
Tahun ni, kena cari kumpulan tadarus quran sendiri.
Tahun ni, saya bersendirian... :(

Saya risau, andaikata saya tidak berjaya menghayati Ramadhan sepenuhnya pada tahun ini.
Dan terasa sedih bila mengenangkan seandainya memang itu yang terjadi.

Apa jadi kalau kerja terlalu banyak, atau terlalu penat bekerja? Apakah sampai saya akan mengabaikan amalan-amalan seperti baca quran dan terawih? nau'zubillah... tidak mahu sampai ke tahap itu.

Maka the most that I can do now is to prepare for the worst case scenario. Dzatiah perlu dikuatkan kembali. Kena letakkan had minimum kepada amalan harian. Semangat tu perlu dicari.

Moga saya kuat.
Moga Ramadhan kali ini lebih bermakna dari tahun sebelum ni.

Orang kata, bila perlu mujahadah, kemanisannya lebih dirasai, kan?
I hope.. biiznillah.

Rabu, 21 April 2010


"Aku dah jahat la sekarang"..

"..huh?" mereka hairan. lantas menggelakkan kenyataan aku itu.
"wei, asal ko kata ko dah jahat sekarang?"

"..ni. semua ni.."

mereka menggeleng-gelengkan kepala, tanda tidak bersetuju. dan menyambung kembali gelakan mereka itu. lalu mereka memperlekehkan serta mempermain-mainkan perkara-perkara kejahatan yang aku telah lakukan.

aku hanya mampu diam. aku terasa terasing. kerana perkara-perkara yang bagiku jahat itu, bagi mereka tidak. lansung tidak. dan mereka langsung tidak mengerti, mengapa aku berfikiran begitu.

kolot? bagi mereka, mungkin. tapi bagi ku, ia penyelesaian masalah ummah.

walau aku dah jahat sekarang, semoga aku terus sedar aku jahat, dan kembali menjadi baik. aku tidak rela paradigmaku berubah.

walau semua orang di sekeliling anda berjalan menggunakan tangan, itu tidak menjadikan perkara itu betul.


ya, aku mahu jadi ghuraba'.

Jumaat, 29 Januari 2010

beberapa petikan

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w:
Seorang mu'min yang gagah lebih baik dan sangat disayangi oleh Allah, berbanding dengan seorang mu'min yang lemah. Di dalam semua perkara kebaikan hendaklah kamu berusaha untuk mendapatkan manfa'at, di samping kamu memohonpertolongan dari Allah dan janganlah kamu rasa lemah. Dan jangan kamu hanya asyik berangan-angan dengan kata: 'Andailah kiranya aku berbuat begitu alangkah lebih baik...!" Jangan berkata demikian. Sebaliknya katakanlah: "Allah yang berkuasa. Jika Dia kehendaki nescaya jadi" Sesungguhnya perkataan "kalau" boleh membuka pintu kepada syaitan untuk bertindak.

Hakim ada berkata:"Ceritakanlah kepadaku apa yang kamu baca. Aku boleh ceritakan siapakah kamu!"

Sabda nabi:
Itulah waktu sembahyang orang munafiq. Itulah waktu sembahang orang munafiq. Itulah waktu sembahang orang munafiq. Ia tunggu sampai bulatan matahari hampir terbalam-balam di permukaan air, hingga bulatan matahari hampir menyerupai dua tanduk syaitan. Di waktu ini mereka sembahyang empat raka'at seperti ayam mematuk makanan. Tanpa sebarang zikir kepada Allah, jikapun ada hanyalah pendek-pendek.

AlBaihaqi menceritakan bahawa 'Abdullah bin Al-Zubir ada berkata: "Si celaka di dalam dunia ini ialah orang yang menganggur". Di dalam kitab "Faidhu Al-Qadir, Syaikh Al-Minawi membuat ta'liqnya dengan berakata: Seorang penganggur, dilihat pada zahirnya dia menganggur. Tapi pada hakikatnya syaitan telah bertapak dan beranak pinak di dalam jiwanya. Seorang yang hidup tanpa membuat sebarang pekerjaan yang boleh memberi manfaat kepada manusia amnya, maka hidupnya tidak bererti.

Cara atau peraturan yang dikehendaki, iaitu setiap orang Muslim dikehendaki tidur awal dan bangun lebih awal. Ia hendaklah bangun sebelum fajar menyinsing, atau sekurang-kurangnya hendaklah sebelum terbitnya matahari. Supaya di pagi hari yang sepi dan di saat udaranya bersih dia dapat memulakan hidupnya dengan ber'ibadat kepada Allah lebih awal sebelum udara dicemari oleh golongan yang berdosa, kerana golongan ini tidak akan bangun dari tidur, kecuali setelah matahari menggalah.

Kata orang: "Kekosongan masa buat lelaki namanya lalai. Kekosongan masa buat wanita namanya berahi dan berfikir untuk memuaskan nafsu"

-petikan-petikan dari buku bertajuk 'Detik-detik masa dalam kehidupan muslim' tulisan Dr Yusof Al-Qardawi.

Rabu, 27 Januari 2010

mungkinkah? atau tidak mungkin?

Someone said to me, (in my own words)

Terkadang, kita terfikir amat impossible untuk sesuatu perkara itu terjadi. Hinggakan 99% kita sure ia pasti takkan terjadi. tapi, andai dalam yang tersisa 1% tu Allah kata akan jadi, maka ia pasti terjadi. Kerana kalau Allah kata jadilah sesuatu itu, maka jadilah ia. Walau hanya pada 1%.

maka yakinlah pada Allah. jangan ragu-ragu padaNya. Jangan ragu-ragu akan kekuasaanNya untuk menjadikan sesuatu itu terjadi.