Isnin, 20 Disember 2010


Ok, there's gonna be a lot of ranting today.. so bear with me aite.

Last saturday, I attended the rig's weekly safety meeting. At the end of it, there will always be a lucky draw and the lucky person will get some amount of cash. What will be drawn is the week's submitted safety card. Being the only lady on the rig, the HSE officer gave me the honor to make the pick.

With honor, I stood up and rumbled through the set of safety cards in the box, and picked out one card. The HSE officer read out the name. Suddenly, everyone was saying "cahnge..change" as that person is no longer on board. Another officer at the back informed everyone that the personal has left the rig due to an emergency. The guy's father in law had just passed away so he needed to go home immediately. There was a lot of talking made after that. The HSE officer then asked to everyone, "Do you think we should keep this money for that guy?". Then everyone replied, "Yes..yes.. he will need the money". I was really taken aback. Suddenly everyone became so understanding and didn't matter if the money was to go to someone not on the rig. At the end of the day, I thought, no matter what race you are from, a human will still carry with them human values.

That night, logging operation was to commenced. (Please note that this has nothing to do with the story above). I had to be there and monitor the operation. Knowing that it will be a long night, I brought my small Hafazan book with me to keep me occupied. Once the logging operation started, while all the other personnels were talking to each other in Viatnamese, I took out my little book. I had a few options, to refresh the surah the I had once memorized, to read the Quran with it's translation, to read and memorize any of the fourty hadith, or to read ma'thurat. I opted for refreshing the surahs that I had memorized, since it has been a long time since I check my Hafalan, what more to hafal new surahs. So that was what I did. At times when I kind of got stuck somewhere, I'd put my head down on the desk and read it out aloud; well, loud enough for me to hear myself. That way, I could focus more.

At one point, I picked my head up and the wireline engineer took that chance to ask me, "are you alright?". Startled at first, but later chuckled, I answered yes, I was fine. I was just memorizing. The engineer ask: memorizing the Quran?

I answered: Yes

The engineer asked again: why? Is someone going to check when you go back home?

Chuckling again, I answered: No, no..no one is going to check. This is just for myself.

The engineer then nodded, understanding.

Then they (the engineer and another geologist) started asking me questions about Islam. One was that they know if men follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, he would go to heaven where he will have a blissful life etc. He asked, what about women? In which I replied that it works the same way for women too. If the women follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, women will also enter paradise. He was kind of surprised..maybe because he has only heard about mens before. They also asked the most famous question in Islam about why men get to marry up to four wives; which they of course are against it. And they asked a few other questions too. I also took my chance to ask, what their purpose of life is. Since they don't believe in life after death. Like, why do they have to be good on earth and strive for a living when they can just go rob a bank and live a wealthy life -to which they just sengih. I mean, if they believe that once someone dies, you bury their dead body and their body get decompose by bacteria and that's the end of story, then why do you even bother to live a good decent life when you also have the option to be cruel? This, of course, they had no answer too, and which they admit was a hard question to answer.

Anyway, regarding me doing my Hafalan, I initially hesitated to bring the book out of my pocket. It is kind of a weird thing to do in a wireline unit; whatmore when no one else in that unit is a Muslim. But, if I don't bring the book out, then I will just be staring blankly at the screen for the next few hours. At the end of it, I realized that by ignoring the whispers to be ashamed of such an act, I've actually kind of like introduced Islam to people who may have not had the chance to ask or know much about it before. So, I believe, there is never any harm in being a good Muslim. Nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, even if I was in a muslim country, I think the burden will be more; bringing out my hafalan book and do hafazan when all other muslims around you can't be bothered and might also end up calling you a saint.

Oh yeah, they did kind of noticed the trend that oil and gas are always where the muslims live. And this works even in Vietnam and in Thailand. Wherever the Muslims are living, that's the area with most oil compared to other parts of a country where there are non or less muslims. Then I said, maybe if you become a Muslim, then there will be more oil in your country.. to which I chuckled and they grinned.

On another note, while I was going through my hafazan on Juzu' Amma, I stopped at surah Al-Humazah. Yes, that's the surah which Allah talks about backbitting and how they would end up in Allah's hell, Al-Hutomah. I pondered upon that surah; and about how I personally have slowly forgotten this particular command of Allah. I recalled the times when I've been saying bad things about others to other people; either purposely or accidently (if it even exist!). And even if I hadn't said anything bad, I've sat and listened to other people talking bad things about others; and suprisingly enough finding myself enjoying the gossip. I also remembered how back in Australia, we were trained to leave this particular behaviour, which is also well known to be a typical behaviour of a women. I also remembered how, in my final year, when all those who are going back for good that year sat together to muhasabah and preparing ourselves to return to Malaysia, everyone acknowledge this behavior which is very common among Malaysians and vowed to try our best to not get involved with it. Obviously, I had forgotten all this; and they are all just coming back to me at that moment. Silently, I begged forgiveness from Allah. For forgetting, and for getting involved. I vowed to try my best to always remember to not get involve in such activity any more..for as long as I can help it. It's kind of difficult to do that here, especially when you have started working. There would always be at least one person who just irritates other people, or treat others badly, that you just can't help it but to talk to other people about it. And it blaze up the fire if that friend also has the same experience with the same person and strted fueling the fire with their own stories. It's bad, I know....I hope I will always remember Allah's warning that I will end up in Al-Hutomah if I continue doing that. If you ever find me doing that, please remind me ok?

Alright, I told you there will be a lot of ranting tonight. Going to catch some sleep before drilling starts again.

Oh ya, just before that, I thought I might just share some photo of my nephew. Wah.. I'm an auntie already?? :-P

Adam Alfatih with his grandmother

Adam Alfatih

Orite.. need my sleep. Salaam

Rabu, 15 Disember 2010


Had no intention.

Simply letting out what I feel deep inside.

The struggle to be a good muslimah and maintaining my amal fardhi. The struggle to not fall into jahiliyah. But failing. Simply because I'm not strong enough.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I love you.