Back in my school days, maths was always my favourite subject. I love cracking the mysterious equations. I love to find solutions.
Occasionally, my mind would go blank due to overloaded information. The ability to think clear is as much as the empty space left available on the maths scribbling paper after answering up to 50 math questions - close to none.
But throughout the years, I managed to figure out what to do every time I face such situation. Since my mind was as messed up as the scribbling paper, all I needed was a new blank paper to clear up my mind. At it worked all the time. A new clear A4 sheet to jot down the new set of informations, largely as possible, to answer what appeared to be a complicated question. And like magic, my brain was able to function clearly again, to solve the apparently not so difficult questions.
And, that is what my mind is in need of at the moment.
Many things had happened within the past one year, from getting married, moving to a new house, changing to a different dakwah locality, getting pregnant and giving birth to my wonderful baby boy.
To sum up all that, it has been a blissful episode in my life. It wasn't until the baby came did reality of life started sinking in. I started to worry about the future, fearing the unknown, unecessarily feeling anxious of nearly everthing. Occasionally I find myself fretting and crying over such small matters. Small, unevitable matters.
And I know for a fact that my mind is cluttered. It is as messy as a mathemathic scribbling paper with close to none clear space left to solve the next equation.
Being a powerful choleric, I know I already have the answers, the facts, the logics. But they are all drowned in the garbage of worries and anxiety.
Thus I need this space as my new clean sheet. To sort things out. To declutter my mind. To join the dots. And answer the next equation in life.
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