Holding on to sanity

I used to imagine the 3 month maternity leave would be the best me-time. Literally, i imagined my baby sleeping quietly beside me while I am working on my computer, completing the laundry list of works and modules I've planned to do or reading my umpteenth book while excitedly waiting for the next book to read. Even during the last day in the office before I got warded, I was telling myself what harm would it do to pop in the office for a while during maternity leave for me to finish off some work. And started wondering whether the security officers would allow people in confinement (read: wearing kain batik with pilis on the forehead) enter the building.

In reality, however, it is totally the opposite.

The first couple of weeks after leaving the hospital was the worst. Never did I imagine that I would be in a poor state of health. I freaked out when I learnt that the doctor only provided pain killer for 4 days only!

The first two weeks, I was walking with a hunched back as I was still recovering from the C-sect operation. I walked very slow, like the sloth in Zootopia. I couldn't sit up on my own after laying down, and always needed someone to hold on to and help me up. I couldn't even lie on my side as the stitches would ache and it felt like my entire womb and all my stomach's content has fallen to the side.  I couldn't even handle myself, what more to catter to a newborn baby that would cry every two hours.

I always had dreams to have many children. During the pregnancy, Farid and I were already planning on our second baby. But during that two weeks post natal, as I lay on the bed alone at night while the rest of the household has gone to sleep, I find myself saying, no way will I get pregnant for the second baby anytime in the  near future! That was how poor my health and mental condition was at that time.

I would cry to myself even to the idea that Farid will be going back to work. And as much as I could, I persuaded him to prolong his leave. I needed him to help me through those difficult times. When finally he had to go back to work, I cried again. I was so fragile. I was continuously consoling and motivating myself that everything would be ok. Even Farid had a jaulah during that weekend. He asked me if it is ok for  him to go. I looked at him and started crying. The next day I texted him apologizing for being so weak and said yes, he can go. That night as we sat together for dinner, he asked again if it was really ok for him to go. I cried. Again. After that, he cancelled his participation. I felt bad that he couldn't go, but relieved that he would be with me to handle the baby together.

I also found myself worrying over so many things that my head would hurt. Who will take care of my baby when I go back to work? How will I know if they are treating my baby well? Will they turn on bad music instead of nasyids and recitation of the quran? How much quality time can I spend with my baby? Should I quit my job instead and be a full-time mom? What will he grow up to be? Will I be able to teach him well? What if I don't? When should I start saving money for his future education? And 1001 more questions.. logical but wrong timing questions. I had to tell myself many times to let go and worry only when the time comes. I had to remind myself that I have no strength and power over my own baby; so I should put my trust in Allah that He will take care of my baby.

One thing I learned during these two stressful weeks was: post-partum depression is real! I am lucky to be surrounded by my family; husband, parents, siblings.. yet the pressure was still there. Imagine those who had to go through confinements on their own!

After the two weeks, I started regaining strength. And alongside a better and healthier body, my mind became calmer. Yet, it was still far from the me-time I had anticipated earlier on.

Straightening out wriggly lines

Back in my school days, maths was always my favourite subject. I love cracking the mysterious equations. I love to find solutions.

Occasionally, my mind would go blank due to overloaded information. The ability to think clear is as much as the empty space left available on the maths scribbling paper after answering up to 50 math questions - close to none.

But throughout the years, I managed to figure out what to do every time I face such situation. Since my mind was as messed up as the scribbling paper, all I needed was a new blank paper to clear up my mind. At it worked all the time. A new clear A4 sheet to jot down the new set of informations, largely as possible, to answer what appeared to be a complicated question. And like magic, my brain was able to function clearly again, to solve the apparently not so difficult questions.

And, that is what my mind is in need of at the moment.

Many things had happened within the past one year, from getting married, moving to a new house, changing to a different dakwah locality, getting pregnant and giving birth to my wonderful baby boy.

To sum up all that, it has been a blissful episode in my life. It wasn't until the baby came did reality of life started sinking in. I started to worry about the future, fearing the unknown, unecessarily feeling anxious of nearly everthing. Occasionally I find myself fretting and crying over such small matters. Small, unevitable matters.

And I know for a fact that my mind is cluttered. It is as messy as a mathemathic scribbling paper with close to none clear space left to solve the next equation.

Being a powerful choleric, I know I already have the answers, the facts, the logics. But they are all drowned in the garbage of worries and anxiety.

Thus I need this space as my new clean sheet. To sort things out. To declutter my mind. To join the dots. And answer the next equation in life.

Don't belong

It was like that time when I was still a kid. There was a bouncy castle, and the kids were divided into two groups: the big kids and the small kids. Two different teachers were in charge for each group. I joined the small kids group schedule to play on the bouncy castle. But after a few jumps, the teacher asked me to get down and join in the big kids session. So I sat aside, and waited for the big kids turn. When it was the big kids turn, I went on the bouncy castle again. But it wasn't long before the teacher for this session called me down and asked me to join the small kids session. I tried again, for the small kids session..but the teacher had set me aside from the very beginning, saying that she had already told me that I'm too big to join the small kids group.

I finally realized that I was just wasting my time; might as well go and play with other toys or get my face painted.

Never really did belong anywhere..

Is it good or bad?

Allah knows best.

Sayap dibuka

Salam.

HBO telah mengembangkan sayap ke alamat berikut: http://fairytaleho.wordpress.com/

Jemputlah membaca.

Perancangan Allah

 

Salam all,

Currently writing from Oman. Why is the title ‘Perancangan Allah’? Because I never ever thought or dream that I would one day put my feet in Oman. Yet, here I am, in a desert somewhere in Oman. And, as a muslim, I strongly believe that this has already been planned by Allah.

Also, before flying to Oman, I had two options. To take the Emirates and transit in Dubai, or take Oman Air and fly directly to Muscat. Many suggested for me to take the Emirates, as I would have the chance to at least see how Dubai is like. Not to forget, I would then be able to say that I have been in Dubai. However, not liking the fact that I will transit for four hours in Dubai (which wouldn’t be sufficient for me to go out and see Dubai anyway), I decided to take Oman Air. I thought, well, probably Allah has not planned for me to go to Dubai. And I wondered if I ever will have that chance.

However, just yesterday, the team geologists informed me that they wanted me to renew my visa so that I can extend my stay in Oman for another 2 weeks or so. In order for me to renew my Visa, I will have to go out to Dubai for 2 days before returning to Oman. Yes, WOW! 2 days is what I need to explore Dubai! huhu.. insya-Allah, only with Allah’s will, this will happen.

I had also previously set foot in Vietnam for four months. Another place which I never thought I’d go to in my life time. Yet, there I was, longer than initially planned. 

Who knows where else Allah has planned for me to travel to. However, no matter where, the most important thing out of all this journey is what you gain from it. Does each journey brings you closer to Allah? Does each journey allows you to reflect upon yourself, how you have lived your life and how you plan to live your life? Does each journey makes you an even better person when you return? If the answer is NO to the above questions, then, probably all the journey was just a waste of time. But if the answer is YES, well, good on ya! You deserve to travel a lot more.. heee~

To me, I’m trying hard so that the answer to the questions above is YES. Insya-Allah.

Hijrah Menuju Allah

Hijrah Menuju Allah; a nasyid sung by Devotees. I've known about this song for a few years already. It is the background song for one of my friend's blog. It was the theme song for the juniors of 2009. And it is also in my nasyid playlists, so I do listen to it occasionally. However, the song has never been that significant to me.

Recently, I came across the lyrics of the nasyid as I was browsing through the internet. When I saw this lyrics, I decided to stop and read through it. And for the first time, the lyrics seemed so meaningful to me, that I felt like crying.

The song is about hijrah. To move from one state to a better state. And to do the hijrah, you have to be very determined.

Bulat niat tekadmu, dalam hijrah mu itu.

And when you have firmly make your decision to make that move, do not fear, as Allah will be with you along the journey.

Allah nanti kan bersama, tempuh jalan yang diredhai..

When you decide to Hijrah, you have to be clear, that the reason you are making this move is solely because of Allah. Because you seek for Allah's blessing. You seek for Allah's love. You seek for Allah's guidance. And you know, that the very same step has been taken by our beloved prophet, Muhammad s.a.w, and his fellow companions, the tabi' and the tabii'ns. All of them, doing it solely for the same purpose; that is to seek for Allah's blessing.

Hijrahmu menuju Allah,

ia sunnah para nabi,

para salihin dan muttaqin,

kembara hati menuju Illahi..

Along the journey, you will face many trials and tribulations. It won't be easy. It never is, saying goodbye to our comfort zone. Saying goodbye to something or someone we dearly love. Saying No! to our lusts and jahiliyah. But we know we have to make the move for the better. Because our purpose of life is Allah. And during the journey, we will miss these things so much. Our heart will be broken to pieces remembering what we have finally decided to leave behind because these things have been a major part of our life before. Regrets and evil whispers starts taking over ourselves that we may at times stop in the middle of the journey and start thinking about turning back. We don't feel like we have the strength to carry on. But dears, when you feel all hopeless and weak, remember, you still have Him. Plead Him for the strength to remain steadfast and to move on.

Andai rasa diri lemah,

diperjalanan hijrahmu

sendirian, tanpa mampu

Mohonlah pada Tuhanmu..

The journey is difficult. The journey is tough. This journey does not promises you red carpets with red roses petals. But always remember, this journey is for Allah. And Allah has promised, that for those who fight for His course, He will give you the best ever reward.. His Paradise.

Hijrah ini memang susah

Hijrah ini memang payah

Hijrah ini menuju Allah

di hujungnya..hasanah

stay strong girl.. hidup ini satu perjuangan

Ranting

Ok, there's gonna be a lot of ranting today.. so bear with me aite.

Last saturday, I attended the rig's weekly safety meeting. At the end of it, there will always be a lucky draw and the lucky person will get some amount of cash. What will be drawn is the week's submitted safety card. Being the only lady on the rig, the HSE officer gave me the honor to make the pick.

With honor, I stood up and rumbled through the set of safety cards in the box, and picked out one card. The HSE officer read out the name. Suddenly, everyone was saying "cahnge..change" as that person is no longer on board. Another officer at the back informed everyone that the personal has left the rig due to an emergency. The guy's father in law had just passed away so he needed to go home immediately. There was a lot of talking made after that. The HSE officer then asked to everyone, "Do you think we should keep this money for that guy?". Then everyone replied, "Yes..yes.. he will need the money". I was really taken aback. Suddenly everyone became so understanding and didn't matter if the money was to go to someone not on the rig. At the end of the day, I thought, no matter what race you are from, a human will still carry with them human values.

That night, logging operation was to commenced. (Please note that this has nothing to do with the story above). I had to be there and monitor the operation. Knowing that it will be a long night, I brought my small Hafazan book with me to keep me occupied. Once the logging operation started, while all the other personnels were talking to each other in Viatnamese, I took out my little book. I had a few options, to refresh the surah the I had once memorized, to read the Quran with it's translation, to read and memorize any of the fourty hadith, or to read ma'thurat. I opted for refreshing the surahs that I had memorized, since it has been a long time since I check my Hafalan, what more to hafal new surahs. So that was what I did. At times when I kind of got stuck somewhere, I'd put my head down on the desk and read it out aloud; well, loud enough for me to hear myself. That way, I could focus more.

At one point, I picked my head up and the wireline engineer took that chance to ask me, "are you alright?". Startled at first, but later chuckled, I answered yes, I was fine. I was just memorizing. The engineer ask: memorizing the Quran?

I answered: Yes

The engineer asked again: why? Is someone going to check when you go back home?

Chuckling again, I answered: No, no..no one is going to check. This is just for myself.

The engineer then nodded, understanding.

Then they (the engineer and another geologist) started asking me questions about Islam. One was that they know if men follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, he would go to heaven where he will have a blissful life etc. He asked, what about women? In which I replied that it works the same way for women too. If the women follow the rule of Allah and stay away from the Haraams, women will also enter paradise. He was kind of surprised..maybe because he has only heard about mens before. They also asked the most famous question in Islam about why men get to marry up to four wives; which they of course are against it. And they asked a few other questions too. I also took my chance to ask, what their purpose of life is. Since they don't believe in life after death. Like, why do they have to be good on earth and strive for a living when they can just go rob a bank and live a wealthy life -to which they just sengih. I mean, if they believe that once someone dies, you bury their dead body and their body get decompose by bacteria and that's the end of story, then why do you even bother to live a good decent life when you also have the option to be cruel? This, of course, they had no answer too, and which they admit was a hard question to answer.

Anyway, regarding me doing my Hafalan, I initially hesitated to bring the book out of my pocket. It is kind of a weird thing to do in a wireline unit; whatmore when no one else in that unit is a Muslim. But, if I don't bring the book out, then I will just be staring blankly at the screen for the next few hours. At the end of it, I realized that by ignoring the whispers to be ashamed of such an act, I've actually kind of like introduced Islam to people who may have not had the chance to ask or know much about it before. So, I believe, there is never any harm in being a good Muslim. Nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, even if I was in a muslim country, I think the burden will be more; bringing out my hafalan book and do hafazan when all other muslims around you can't be bothered and might also end up calling you a saint.

Oh yeah, they did kind of noticed the trend that oil and gas are always where the muslims live. And this works even in Vietnam and in Thailand. Wherever the Muslims are living, that's the area with most oil compared to other parts of a country where there are non or less muslims. Then I said, maybe if you become a Muslim, then there will be more oil in your country.. to which I chuckled and they grinned.

On another note, while I was going through my hafazan on Juzu' Amma, I stopped at surah Al-Humazah. Yes, that's the surah which Allah talks about backbitting and how they would end up in Allah's hell, Al-Hutomah. I pondered upon that surah; and about how I personally have slowly forgotten this particular command of Allah. I recalled the times when I've been saying bad things about others to other people; either purposely or accidently (if it even exist!). And even if I hadn't said anything bad, I've sat and listened to other people talking bad things about others; and suprisingly enough finding myself enjoying the gossip. I also remembered how back in Australia, we were trained to leave this particular behaviour, which is also well known to be a typical behaviour of a women. I also remembered how, in my final year, when all those who are going back for good that year sat together to muhasabah and preparing ourselves to return to Malaysia, everyone acknowledge this behavior which is very common among Malaysians and vowed to try our best to not get involved with it. Obviously, I had forgotten all this; and they are all just coming back to me at that moment. Silently, I begged forgiveness from Allah. For forgetting, and for getting involved. I vowed to try my best to always remember to not get involve in such activity any more..for as long as I can help it. It's kind of difficult to do that here, especially when you have started working. There would always be at least one person who just irritates other people, or treat others badly, that you just can't help it but to talk to other people about it. And it blaze up the fire if that friend also has the same experience with the same person and strted fueling the fire with their own stories. It's bad, I know....I hope I will always remember Allah's warning that I will end up in Al-Hutomah if I continue doing that. If you ever find me doing that, please remind me ok?

Alright, I told you there will be a lot of ranting tonight. Going to catch some sleep before drilling starts again.

Oh ya, just before that, I thought I might just share some photo of my nephew. Wah.. I'm an auntie already?? :-P

Adam Alfatih with his grandmother


Adam Alfatih

Orite.. need my sleep. Salaam

...

Had no intention.

Simply letting out what I feel deep inside.

The struggle to be a good muslimah and maintaining my amal fardhi. The struggle to not fall into jahiliyah. But failing. Simply because I'm not strong enough.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Read, read, read

I am so impressed by those who reads a lot of books. Some people that I know, the moment they get their hands on a new book, they will read through it and finish it straight away. And start looking for a new book.

I still remember, among my resolutions earlier this year was to read more books. And I did manage to do that, then. You can see the list of books I've read at the right hand margin of this blog. However, since I started working in April, I never seem to had the time to read a book.

But, I don't really think it's the time to blame. I do have time, but I tend to use those free times for other stuffs. So, maybe I can put the blame on the lack of interets to read?. But then, the intrest of buying new books is still there. Thus, eventually, my room gets filled up with new books, but are left unread. Even if I do read it, it stops after the first few pages.

But seriously, I really do want to read more books. I admit, through reading, you expand your knowledge. You step out from the darkness into the light. Your mind becomes more active and critical as you train it to think and analyse stuffs that you read. You get to open up a more beneficial and meaningful conversation with your friends as you have something better to talk about rather than just gossiping about people or blaming the wrong people based on the rumors that you've been hearing.

I remember I used to be a book worm once. That was when I was still a kid. Those days, Enid Blyton's books were my favourite. Everytime I bought a new book, I'd sit down and read it, and untill I've read the last word on the last page of the book, I will not stir. I miss those times, when I can get my head burried in books for ages and ages. But nowadays, when I open up to read a book, it doesn't take more than 3 paragraphs for my eyes to start closing. Am I really that tired working???

Sometimes I feel like wanting to take the public transport to work instead of driving. So that I can actually use the travelling time to read. But, having the KTM in my mind...nah! With the number of people that fills up each coach, I don't think it will work.

Sometimes I carry book with me in the car when I am the passenger. But I get dizzy too easily. So the book will just remain in my hands. And will return home, unread.

Sometime I bring books with me to the surau, so that I can read before Zohor. But, again, after the first paragraphs, the book will slip out of my hands and I'd be asleep.

Oh boy..oh boy! What do I do now? I feel so left behind. Or, in other words, 'bagaikan katak di bawah tempurung'. They also say that 'masyarakat yang berjaya adalah masyarakat yang membaca'. It's true, I know. What more, as a muslim, we have to be that successful nation. Thus, I have to read. And read. And read!

If you have any tips to share with me, on how I can start reading again..do share. If not, then pray that I can pick up the momentum and interest in reading again.

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is coming in less than a month. Unfortunately, i'm still not feeling excited about it. *sigh*


Tahun ni, kena usahakan sendiri untuk menghidupkan Ramadhan.
Tahun ni, kena cari pengganti Rusden sebagai tempat menunaikan solat Terawikh.
Tahun ni, kena cari pengganti Beddoe sebagai tempat untuk bangun qiam tiap-tiap malam.
Tahun ni, kena cari kumpulan tadarus quran sendiri.
Tahun ni, saya bersendirian... :(


Saya risau, andaikata saya tidak berjaya menghayati Ramadhan sepenuhnya pada tahun ini.
Dan terasa sedih bila mengenangkan seandainya memang itu yang terjadi.

Apa jadi kalau kerja terlalu banyak, atau terlalu penat bekerja? Apakah sampai saya akan mengabaikan amalan-amalan seperti baca quran dan terawih? nau'zubillah... tidak mahu sampai ke tahap itu.

Maka the most that I can do now is to prepare for the worst case scenario. Dzatiah perlu dikuatkan kembali. Kena letakkan had minimum kepada amalan harian. Semangat tu perlu dicari.

Moga saya kuat.
Moga Ramadhan kali ini lebih bermakna dari tahun sebelum ni.

Orang kata, bila perlu mujahadah, kemanisannya lebih dirasai, kan?
I hope.. biiznillah.

jahat

"Aku dah jahat la sekarang"..

"..huh?" mereka hairan. lantas menggelakkan kenyataan aku itu.
"wei, asal ko kata ko dah jahat sekarang?"

"..ni. semua ni.."

mereka menggeleng-gelengkan kepala, tanda tidak bersetuju. dan menyambung kembali gelakan mereka itu. lalu mereka memperlekehkan serta mempermain-mainkan perkara-perkara kejahatan yang aku telah lakukan.

aku hanya mampu diam. aku terasa terasing. kerana perkara-perkara yang bagiku jahat itu, bagi mereka tidak. lansung tidak. dan mereka langsung tidak mengerti, mengapa aku berfikiran begitu.

kolot? bagi mereka, mungkin. tapi bagi ku, ia penyelesaian masalah ummah.

walau aku dah jahat sekarang, semoga aku terus sedar aku jahat, dan kembali menjadi baik. aku tidak rela paradigmaku berubah.

walau semua orang di sekeliling anda berjalan menggunakan tangan, itu tidak menjadikan perkara itu betul.

ghuraba'.

ya, aku mahu jadi ghuraba'.

beberapa petikan

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w:
Seorang mu'min yang gagah lebih baik dan sangat disayangi oleh Allah, berbanding dengan seorang mu'min yang lemah. Di dalam semua perkara kebaikan hendaklah kamu berusaha untuk mendapatkan manfa'at, di samping kamu memohonpertolongan dari Allah dan janganlah kamu rasa lemah. Dan jangan kamu hanya asyik berangan-angan dengan kata: 'Andailah kiranya aku berbuat begitu alangkah lebih baik...!" Jangan berkata demikian. Sebaliknya katakanlah: "Allah yang berkuasa. Jika Dia kehendaki nescaya jadi" Sesungguhnya perkataan "kalau" boleh membuka pintu kepada syaitan untuk bertindak.



Hakim ada berkata:"Ceritakanlah kepadaku apa yang kamu baca. Aku boleh ceritakan siapakah kamu!"



Sabda nabi:
Itulah waktu sembahyang orang munafiq. Itulah waktu sembahang orang munafiq. Itulah waktu sembahang orang munafiq. Ia tunggu sampai bulatan matahari hampir terbalam-balam di permukaan air, hingga bulatan matahari hampir menyerupai dua tanduk syaitan. Di waktu ini mereka sembahyang empat raka'at seperti ayam mematuk makanan. Tanpa sebarang zikir kepada Allah, jikapun ada hanyalah pendek-pendek.



AlBaihaqi menceritakan bahawa 'Abdullah bin Al-Zubir ada berkata: "Si celaka di dalam dunia ini ialah orang yang menganggur". Di dalam kitab "Faidhu Al-Qadir, Syaikh Al-Minawi membuat ta'liqnya dengan berakata: Seorang penganggur, dilihat pada zahirnya dia menganggur. Tapi pada hakikatnya syaitan telah bertapak dan beranak pinak di dalam jiwanya. Seorang yang hidup tanpa membuat sebarang pekerjaan yang boleh memberi manfaat kepada manusia amnya, maka hidupnya tidak bererti.



Cara atau peraturan yang dikehendaki, iaitu setiap orang Muslim dikehendaki tidur awal dan bangun lebih awal. Ia hendaklah bangun sebelum fajar menyinsing, atau sekurang-kurangnya hendaklah sebelum terbitnya matahari. Supaya di pagi hari yang sepi dan di saat udaranya bersih dia dapat memulakan hidupnya dengan ber'ibadat kepada Allah lebih awal sebelum udara dicemari oleh golongan yang berdosa, kerana golongan ini tidak akan bangun dari tidur, kecuali setelah matahari menggalah.



Kata orang: "Kekosongan masa buat lelaki namanya lalai. Kekosongan masa buat wanita namanya berahi dan berfikir untuk memuaskan nafsu"



-petikan-petikan dari buku bertajuk 'Detik-detik masa dalam kehidupan muslim' tulisan Dr Yusof Al-Qardawi.

mungkinkah? atau tidak mungkin?

Someone said to me, (in my own words)

Terkadang, kita terfikir amat impossible untuk sesuatu perkara itu terjadi. Hinggakan 99% kita sure ia pasti takkan terjadi. tapi, andai dalam yang tersisa 1% tu Allah kata akan jadi, maka ia pasti terjadi. Kerana kalau Allah kata jadilah sesuatu itu, maka jadilah ia. Walau hanya pada 1%.

maka yakinlah pada Allah. jangan ragu-ragu padaNya. Jangan ragu-ragu akan kekuasaanNya untuk menjadikan sesuatu itu terjadi.

pasti.

check list jika kau mengaku dirimu seorang daie

(from blog ustaz anuar salleh)

Siapakah aku?

Aku adalah seorang insan yang mencari kebenaran… Lantas aku temuinya dalam Islam.

Aku adalah insan yang mencari jalan kehidupan .. Lantas aku temuinya dalam dakwah al-Ikhwan..

Ya setiap kali datang hari-hari baru .. akan ada saksi yang melihat amal-amal kita.. Hari baru ini juga merupakan peluang untuk kesekian kalinya yang dikurniakan oleh Allah kepada kita supaya kita berusaha menyelamatkan diri kita daripada neraka, dengan mengikuti ajaran Islam yang Agung.. Islam adalah Rahmat Allah yang menjadi petunjuk dan manhaj hidup yang lurus.

Langkah pertama di jalan ini ialah berusaha memperbetulkan diri kita.

Wahai saudaraku ahli al-Ikhwan !!

Medan amal kamu yang pertama adalah diri kamu. Sekiranya kamu berjaya memdidik diri kamu maka kamu akan lebih mampu mendidik orang lain. Sekiranya kamu gagal mendidik jiwa kamu maka lebih payahlah untuk kamu mendidik orang lain.

Cubalah berjuang mendidik jiwa kamu terlebih dahulu. Ingatlah dunia hari ini amat-amat menunggu-nunggu lahirnya satu generasi pemuda-pemudi yang cemerlang, memiliki jiwa yang suci bersih (daripada kotoran jahiliah) dan memiliki akhlak mulia yang utuh. Kamulah pemuda-pemudi itu . Pastikan mereka itu adalah kamu dan janganlah kamu berputus asa untuk terus berusaha.

Letakkan dihadapan mata kamu sabda rasulullah s.a.w.

(Pastikan diri kamu untuk melakukan enam perkara dan aku menjamin syurga untuk kamu: Apabila berkata-kata bercakaplah yang benar, tepatilah janji-janji kamu apabila berjanji, tunaikanlah segala amanah yang kamu terima, peliharalah kemaluan kamu daripada zina, tundukkanlah mata kamu daripada maksiat dan tahanlah tangan kamu daripada dosa..)

Kemudian lihatlah diri kamu apakah kamu melakukannya..

Wahai al-Ikhwan.

Dakwah kamu ini tertegak di atas tiga asas:

• Mengenal Allah,
  
• memperbaiki diri dan
  
• mengasihi semua makhluk.

Mengenal Allah dengan berzikir mengingati Allah dan bermuraqobah.

Memperbaiki diri dengan melakukan ketaatan dan

bermujahadah dan mengasihi manusia dengan memberi nasihat dan bersikap itsar.

Perkara pertama yang saya minta kamu lakukan dan yang saya akan muhasabah kamu atas asas fikrah Ikhwan ialah:

1. Kamu hendaklah memperuntukkan sedikit masa untuk membaca al-Quran dan menghafal sekurang-kurangnya satu ayat sehari.

2. Kamu hendaklah duduk melakukan muhasabah diri setiap hari sebelum tidur. Bentangkan semua aktiviti harian kamu pada diri sendiri sekiranya kamu melakukan kebaikan bersyukurlah kepada Allah dan sekiranya tidak hendaklah kamu berazam menyempurnakan apa yang tertinggal.

3. Kamu hendaklah memelihara solat 5 waktu dalam waktunya. Kamu hendaklah menunaikannya dengan sebaik-baiknya. Kamu hendaklah memahami hukum-hakamnya. Lakukanlah rukuk, sujud dan khusyuk dengan sempurna. Bacalah al-Quran di dalam solat dengan bertajwid dan bertadabbur . Janganlah kamu mengabaikan amalan sunat dan solat rawatib. Kamu hendaklah berusaha menunaikan solat berjamaah di masjid dan memastikan sentiasa menunaikan solat Subuh dalam waktunya…

antara kek oren dan biskut oren

diberikan sebuah analogy

seorang tukang buat kek bercita-cita menghasilkan sebiji kek oren. Buat punya buat, ntah kenapa, yang terhasil adalah biskut oren, bukannya kek oren. Sekalipun begitu, biskut oren yang terhasil itu tidak kurang hebatnya dan amat digemari oleh ramai.

Persoalannya: adakah tukang buat kek ini boleh berpuas hati dengan biskut orennya, kerana ia mendapat sambutan hangat dari para pelangan? (dan mungkin juga terus tukar profession menjadi seorang tukang buat biskut pula?) ataukah ia perlu terus berusaha hingga berjaya menghasilkan sebiji kek oren, sepertimana matlamat awalnya sebagai seorang tukang buat kek?

a dush2 post

Copy paste dari blog seorang daie...
Dush2 to myself..

Assalamualaikum wbrt

ke hadapan barisan pendakwah di atas muka bumi Australia ini.

Ana terpanggil untuk berkongsikan apa yang ada dalam kepala ana pada waktu2 begini. Mungkin kerana masa ana yang makin kurang di melbourne ini, atau mungkin kerana keadaan yang memerlukan untuk ana berterus-terang dengan apa yang berlaku di depan mata.

Ana teringat pada satu teguran yang diberi oleh sorang ikhwah lama.

‘Kita diberi kesedaran dengan islam, tarbiyah dan dakwah ni bukan untuk kita mendapat pengiktirafan.. kalau bukan orang lain mengiktiraf kita, sekurangnya bukan untuk kita rasa kita diri ni dah bagus.

Kita ni dibagi penghormatan ni untuk kita dptkan iktiraf depan Tuhan nnt. Kesedaran ni sebenarnya adalah satu amanah untuk kita laksanakan. Kalau tak, jawab la sendiri depan Tuhan nanti.’

Kita ni selalu panggil diri kita pendakwah. Cuma mungkin better kita start muhasabah diri kita balik; apa yang kita dakwahkan dan kepada siapa kita berdakwah sebenarnya?

Kita ni dah betul berdakwah ke? Nabi berdakwah dengan korbankan masa dan tenaga untuk orang lain dapat kefahaman islam. Kita ni dah cukup berkorban ke masa dan tenaga kita untuk orang lain? Or kita ni lebih banyak masa korbankan tenaga dan masa untuk diri kita?

Kita ni mengaku dalam tarbiyah kan? Kalau camtu, cuba tanyer.. kita ni dah betul ke mentarbiyah diri kita menjadi individu2 spt para sahabat yang kemudiannya berusaha mentarbiyah orang di luar sana smpi diorang juga dpt faham islam?

kadang-kadang ana tertanya… apa sebenarnya yang berlaku, if ada ikhwah yang lebih utamakan untuk dia penuhkan kemahuannya untuk bersenang melayar internet, menonton cerita2 daripada dia berusaha untuk membina diri, agar dia dpt membina orang lain…

Kalau kita nk salahkan seseorang, kita boleh salahkan seorang pendidik yang gagal mendidik mungkin. Tapi sebelum salahkan seseorang, fikirkan dulu; kita ni mengaku penggerak..jadi antum dah act as penggerak dakwah ke or masih lagi menantikan durian runtuh dr langit..? Kita sekarang berada pada posisi sehingga boleh tarbiyah orang lain kot patutnya.. Wake up!. Kita dah boleh berlari. Tapi antum bagaikan menunggu satu pengiktirafan untuk bergerak.

Ikhwah,,Tidak perlu untuk diiktiraf untuk kita beramal. Dakwah bukan bergerak kerana telunjuk seorang individu, tp adalah kerana dakwah ni dakwah milik Tuhan.

Penggerak dakwah memastikan dirinya menjadi qudwah..perkataannya adalah berkenaan tarbiyah dan dakwah. So mereka2 yang yakin dier akan jadi penggerak tahun depan, maka dalam kepalanya sepatutnya adalah persoalan2 untuk dia memajukan dakwah. Dia patut bertanya; apa status mad’u sekarang? apa yang ana boleh buat untuk tingkatkan mad’u? Apa ikhwah sedang buat sekarang ni? cmaner pencapaian ikhwah?

bagi mereka yang tidak memikirkan peningkatan tarbiyah orang lain, most likely dier tak terpikir pon tentang tarbiyah dirinya.. Atau mungkin, kita terlampau fikir tentang diri sendiri smpi lupa yang kita perlu fikirkan tentang dakwah..

perkataan kita sesama ikhwah adakah selalunyer berkenaan dengan dakwah? Or kita banyak berbual tentang duit, handset, iphone, ipod, harta, cerita2 yang kita rasa mungkin ada unsur tarbiyah kononnyer.. (any movie boleh jadi tidak membawa kepada amal, kalau kita tak niatkan dalam hati untuk perkara tu mentarbiyah kita dan kemudian kita mampu mentarbiyah orang lain).

ikhwah, zaman sekarang ni tak sama dengan dulu. Kalau dulu dakwah mungkin mati kerana serangan luar (Itu pon dakwah masih lagi mampu berjalan). Sekarang ni, dakwah boleh mati di tangan para daie sendiri. Dakwah tetap akan berjalan juga, tp maybe that time, if ikhwah tak fikir dengan serius isu tarbiyah sekarang ni..maka kita boleh jadi futur waktu tu, n dakwah ni akan diberikan pada orang lain yang betul2 nak beramal..

dakwah juga boleh terencat kerana jahiliyah yang kita buat setiap hari. Jahiliyah yang kecil, kalau kita compromise, akan bawa kepada jahiliyah yang lebih besar..

Jadi check these steps untuk kebaikan semuanya:

- mubahasah diri sendiri dan juga ikhwah sekeliling

- kenalpasti kelemahan dan kekuatan

- merancang kepada yang lebih baik dengan penyelesaian..

- bertindak…

- muhasabah lagi dan keep on bawa pembaikan. Serahkan pada DIA

Moga DIA memberkati kita semua…

Wsalam
-Hazaana, 2009-

And another dush2 statement:

Rakan-rakan.. jangan bermudah dengan kita banyak memberi rukhsah dan kita compromise dengan mudah dalam perkara-perkara yang kecil. Menonton movie ‘islami’ pon kononnyer.. mendengar lagu yang bersifat duniawi walaupun mungkin ada perkataan ‘Tuhan’, ‘taubat’ dalam liriknya.

Kadang-kadang kita perlu bertegas dalam isu ini. Lebih-lebih lagi di kalangan mereka yang mengaku membawa dakwah.

Dalam isu bersama dengan orang yang masih belum faham dengan islam..ada rukhsahnya. Memang dalam untuk memahami mereka, kita perlu mengenali latar belakang mereka. Namun kerana alasan ini la ditakuti penggerak dakwah sendiri tidak nampak di mana batasan. Dan akhirnya apa itu jahiliyah sudah tidak disedari. Malah semakin tiada rasa bersalah kalau kita sesama kita pun dah terbuat. Malah dipromote lagi…

-Hazaana, 2009-

And another one:

kadang-kadang kita terfikir mengapa dakwah yang kita buat ni bagaikan tiada hasil atau cahaya harapannya. Adik-adik dan masyarakat seolah tidak terasa sentuhan kita. Seorang pernah berkata:

‘Kenapa student-student sekarang ni tak rasa segan silu berkepit bertepuk tampar depan kita ye?’

Good point di situ: masyarakat luar dah tak nampak kita ni significant dan kehadiran kita seolah tiada aura dalam masyarakat.

Mungkin dan besar kemungkinannya..kerana jahiliyah itu sendiri berlegar di kalangan pendakwah. Maka sinar cahaya tu Allah tarik balik dan akhirnya kita sendiri akan tersingkir dari medan dakwah. Time to bring a new generation mungkin. Allahuakbar. Betapa ruginya kita..

-Hazaana, 2009-

dush..dush..dush.........dush
ouch..

Time to grow up. Time to be more mature. Time to be serious.
The ummah needs me.

cinta sejati itu..

Cinta sejati itu menyembuhkan, tidak menyakitkan.

Tidak ada yang dapat mengusir syahwat suatu kecintaan pada kesenangan duniawi selain rasa takut kepada Allah yang menggetarkan hati, atau rasa rindu kepada Allah yang membuat hati merana!

Resipinya,
1) Rasa cinta kepada Allah yang sangat luar biasa yang menggetarkan hatimu. Sehingga ketika yang ada di hatimu adalah Allah, yang lain dengan sendirinya menjadi kecil dan terusir.
2) Rasa rindu kepada Allah yang amat dasyat sampai hatimu merasa merana. Jika kau merasa merana kerana rindu kepada Allah, kau tidak mungkin rindu kerana merana pada yan glain. Jika kau sudah sibuk memikirkan Allah, kau tidak akan sibuk memikirkan yang lain.


Mencintai makhluk itu sangat berpeluang menemui kehilangan. Kebersamaan dengan makhluk juga berpeluang mengalami perpisahan. Hanya cinta kepada Allah yang tidak. Jika kau mencintai seseorang, ada dua kemungkinan diterima dan ditolak. Jika ditolak pasti sakit rasanya. Namun, jika kau mencintai Allah pasti diterima. Jika kau mencintai Allah, engkau tidak akan pernah merasa kehilangan. Tidak akan ada yang merebut Allah yang kau cintai itu dari hatimu. Tidak akan ada yang akan merampas Allah. Jika kau bermesraan dengan Allah, hidup bersama Allah, kau tidak akan pernah berpisah dariNya. Cinta yang paling membahagiakan dan menyembuhkan adalah cinta kepada Allah 'Azza wa Jalla.

=)

-ketika cinta betasbih 1-

The interview

The other day, I was called for an interview. There were a few problems along the way. I noticed the email the night before the day of the interview. And it so happened that the time that he had set clashed with my exam. And I had to get it rescheduled, but it was to be done on that very same day as the interviews had to be done by that week, and that day was already Friday.

And the email was sent that very morning, and I had to rushed to change my clothes into a more formal one, as I had an exam to attend in about half an hour time!. Anyway, everything went well, alhamdulillah.

The night before, it occurred to me, would wearing a tudung be a disadvantage to me? What more, I'm applying to work with an Australian company.. they might prefer others over me just because I'm a muslim. Funny, it's the first time I ever thought about this thing seriously. Such issue has been raised many times before this. About how people could change the way they dress up just because they fear they might not be able to pass the interview due to their image. Anyway, though I thought about it, it came back to me that even so, it's not like I have any other choices. It's not like I'm allowed to take my tudung off just for that interview. So, as immediate as the thought came to mind, it disappeared. Plus, I had my exams to think about!.

Anyway, on the day, I had 2 exams. And after that, I had to set off to their office for the interview. Boy, what a tiring day that was!

At the office, the interviewer ran a bit late. He was kind of busy with something. While waiting, I read through some magazines on the table. Interesting ones, I tell you! ;) Anyway, while waiting, another thought came to mind. If he offered a hand shake, should I shake hands or should I be firm with my stand to not shake hands with males? I manage to do it in previous important events, such as during the Dean's List award (refusing to shake hand with the Dean) and during the Golden Key Membership Event (this time with the VC). What about someone who will decide if I get the job or not? Hurm... tough one! Anyway, let's stick to the original and not shake hands, yeah?

Once he was able to see me, as expected, he offered a hand shake. I put my hand at me chest and gave a small head bow, and said, 'sorry, I can't shake hands with you'. At first, he didn't get it. But after repeating it a few times, he got what I meant and apologized, and went off to settle a few other stuffs before he can interview me. Once he went away, the office manager, a lady, asked me..'so, you can't shake hands with people?'.. 'Oh, it's only with guys..I can shake hands with girls'.. 'Owh..yeah, right. Of course, you wouldn't want to hold their hands. Yes, that is how it should really be like..'.. she replied, smiling.
huhu... =)

The interview went well, alhamdulillah. Allah helped a lot.

Once after the interview, I had to meet the CEO. But he was busy with something at that moment. So, the interviewer brought me to meet everyone else in the company. Everyone else were guys, I tell you! And everyone offered a hand shake. And again and again, i repeated the same action. Putting my hand to my chest, gave a small head bow with a big smile on my face plus an apology. Everyone acted differently, and it was funny seeing that. There was once when I met two guys at one time, and after rejecting them, they ended up shaking each others hand instead (since they had already offered their hands).. huhu~

Alhamdulillah, Allah allowed me to hold fast to my believe and to really implement it. Since I've succeeded here, I really hope and can still maintain it once I return to Malaysia. Sometimes, these kind of things are a lot more complicated in your very own country. Seriously! For example, the time when I was to be given an award by Dato' Rais Yatim. And another time by Menteri Besar Pahang!. Can you actually say 'no', when at the same time all other female recipients did shake hands? I still remember how my teacher said to me to just 'anggap the menteri as an 'atok', and just SHAKE HIS HANDS!!'... I was like..errmm,atok?.....ok~

To some people, this is just a small thing. To me, it's actually not? If people can say, 'alah..apalah sangat, salam tangan je! Bukan ada masalah apa pun!'..then, here me say this: ' kalau macam tu, kalau benar takde apa sangat, maka tak perlu salam pun takpelah kan?'. Yelah, if takde masalah sangat, why make such a big fuss if people refuse, right?

wallahu'alam.

Anyway, about the job, I'll tell you guys further if I'm guaranteed the position. As for now, let's just hope I get it. Do pray for me people! I'm really interested in what the job has to offer me. Plus, I could do with some extra pocket money. =)

This again is another issue. Benar kata orang, penantian itu satu penyiksaan. I'm checking my email everyday. Even on weekends. Sometimes three times a day! Hoping a positive reply from the company. As for now, no news yet. While I'm really hoping to get it, I have to also frequently remind myself to not put too high hopes on it. Just incase if it was not meant for me, then I wouldn't be so disappointed. I'm really trying hard at the moment to put total tawakal to Allah. I know, if He has fated that I will be working there, no matter what, I will. And if He has fated that it was not meant to be, no matter what, I won't be there. And if the latter is the case, it's because He has other plans for me. Better plans. Which I might not know of at the moment, but will one day know. And believing in such will prevent me from getting disappointed. And make me a better muslim; someone who totally belive in qada' and qadar, insya-Allah.

Overall, this has been a wonderful experience. Thank you Allah.
=)

Something that seems to be related:

Dunia

She's leading me on
Singing to me with such a sweet song
Why do I fall the way I do


IT'S HARD TO STAY STRONG
She tries to keep me hanging on
Everytime I leave
SHE FINDS WAYS TO MAKE ME COME BACK FOR MORE


Hello my name is Dunya, she said
And I can't get her out of my head
Tempts me with her gold
And I keep getting lost within


And when I look at dunya in the eyes
SHE WINKS AT ME AND GIVES ME A SMILE
BUT I'LL HOLD ON,
And I won't fall for this Dunya... AGAIN



She follows me around
I see her everywhere I go
... WHISPERING
From the darkest shadow



NOW I KNOW THAT THIS IS WRONG
AND I KNOW THIS CAN'T GO ON (THIS CAN'T GO ON)
But how much further can I go
Before I have to let you go


So many things I love about this world
If only I could let, let you go for good
Then I could live my life like I should
And I'll have peace of mind,
THAT I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU...

Dunya

[download the song here]

kembalilah kepada fitrah

Bismillah..

Dengan kemuliaan manusia itu dicipta.

Mulianya kerna memahami tanda dan makna. Hebatnya dia mengerti kereana membaca. Karamahnya kerna berhati serta berminda. Remehlah yang sebentar. Terjulanglah yang kekal.

Namun, dia tidak mampu selamanya begitu. Bersendirian suci bersih tanpa diganggu. Dia harus diuji demi menzahirkan bukti sebelum dinobat sebagai kekasih sejati. Si dalang dan si hitam pun datang bertamu. Bermulalah pertarungan antara dua regu. Syaitan dan nafsu, akal dan wahyu. Siapa akan menang, jiwa yang menjadi penentu.

Sayangnya, bila dihujani tusukan ujian, ternyata mulia tidak berhati kebal. Bila dicuba, terbukti ramai yang gagal. Bila diserang, ternyata insan itu dangkal. Gagal kerna menghina akal. Dangkal akibat meremehkan bekal. Sesat kerna dalam menimbang tidak cekal. Lemas kerana bodoh dan ungkal.

Hinalah yang mulia kerana angkuh. Rendahlah yang tinggi kerna gopoh. Sesatlah pengembara kerna tiada penyuluh. Binaslaah yang hebat bila rosaknya roh.

Namun manusia itu tiada mahu binasa. Kerna ingin kekallah, buah khuldi dirasa. Kerna dahulu manusia jasadnya tiada, maka bimbang binasanya tiada dirasa. Dapatlah ruh dan jiwa terus bertakhta. Namun bila disarungkan jasad dari tanah, bimbang binasa insan mula beralih arah. Tumpuannya kini adalah daging dan darah. Kalau dibiarkan tenggelam, akibatnya amatlah parah.

Ingatlah, jasad itu bagaikan harta. Ia wasilahnya tujuan. Namun keras usahanya untuk mencari tumpuan. Bila datangnya kaya, berputikla haloba. Bila ia tiada, berhentilah ia. Bila jasad ada, terciptalah benih sarakah. Sarakah berputik bila jasad di junjung dan disembah. Jasad dijunjung bila minda diinjak si amarah. Jasad disembah akibat hasutan sami‘? dalam jiwa. Ingatlah, jasad bagai jambatan yang tujuannya adalah wasilah. Ia bukan seperti bahagia, sang wasilahnya tujuan.

Ingatlah wahai manusia, kamu tidak boleh menanggalkan sendiri sarung jasad. Kerna manusia itu tidak boleh menentukan bila ujian harus tamat. Dibuang mati mak. Ditelan mati bapak.

Dengan nama Tuhanmu yang maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang, dan Tuhanmu tidak sekali-kali berlaku zalim terhadap hamba-hambaNya.

Wahai hamba-hambaKu, mari berikan tangan mu, ayuh disampingKu Ku pimpin tanganmu. Ku ajarkan kepadamu mengatasi onak dan liku. Kau hanya perlu menggerakkan kakimu

Wahai hambaKu, ketahuilah bahawa, cengkaman jasadmu harus kau longgarkan. Ruang kemahuan tubuhmu harus kau sempitkan. Barulah roh mu dapat mengecap kebebasan. Dapatlah ia terbang kepadaKu kembali dengan harapan. Selepas lama berpisah, kan dapat dirasa manis pertemuan.

Wahai hamba-hambaKu, kedua-dua kubu kuat dalam jasadmu harus kau tawan. Kubu yang bertembokkan alasan keperluan. Bertempat diantara dua peha dan dua geraham. Tentera kemestianmu harus menyergah tali barut keperluan. Ia harus disiasat dipersoal dan harus kekal dalam tawanan. Kerana keinginan seringkali bertopengkan keperluan. Ingat, kerana keinginan seringkali bertopengkan keperluan

Wahai hamba-hambaKu, mari berikan tangan mu, ayuh disampingKu Ku pimpin tanganmu. Ku ajarkan kepadamu mengatasi onak dan liku. Kau hanya perlu menggerakkan kakimu

Wahai kekasih-kekasihKu, jika dapat kau lakukan, maka kau nantikanlah ganjaran dariKu berlipat keuntungan. Pengorbananmu takkan Ku sia-siakan. Kerana sesungguhnya Akulah Al-hanan. Akulah Ar-rahman. Akulah Al-manan.

Sungguh curahan kasih Al-manan, tiada langit atau bumi yang akan mampu menampung walau dibantu langit dan bumi lain sekalipun. Sungguh manusia itu makhluk beruntung. Sungguh manusia itu makhluk beruntung. Sungguh rahmah Ar-rahim itu maha agung. Marah dan murkaNya tetap digantung kerna besar rahmahNya masih membendung.

Wahai kekasih-kekasihKu, ingatlah sesungguhnya bila kau melakukan kebaikan, kau melakukan kebaikan untuk dirimu sendiri. Kerajaan Ku tidak bertambah hebat kerna hebatnya ibadahmu. Dan keagunganKu tidak menjadi kurang kerana kealpaanmu. IzmahKu tiadakan pernah terganggu. IzzahKu akan terus kekal kerna kekalnya zatKu.

Sesungguhnya hari ini, adalah hari bukti. Hari kepulanganmu pada ciptaan asli. Latihan yang kau lalui akan menambah sakti, bekalan menempuh ranjau sebab hidup dan mati.

Wahai jiwa, kembalilah kau kepada fitrah. Selepas jasad kau tawan, selepas nafsu kau lawan. Selepas akal dan wahyu kau kahwinkan.

Wahai jiwa, kembalilah kau kepada fitrah. Fitrah yang ingin mengenaliKu. Fitrah yang ingin menyintaiKu. Fitrah yang ingin berlari mendakapKu. Jangan kau bisukan permintaannya. Jangan kau matikan harapannya. Berjuanglah terus demi memastikan suara-suara itu terus hidup. Berjuanglah terus demi memastikan suara-suara fitrahmu terus hidup. Teruskanlah perjuanganmu. Aku akan sentiasa berada disampingmu.

Ingat, tidak sekali-kali Ku yang meninggalkanmu. Engkaulah yang sering merasakan kehadiranKu menyusahkanmu. Namun sungguh rahmahKu maha agung. Marah dan murkaKu tetap Ku gantung kerana besar rahmahKu masih membendung. Bagai seorang ibu yang tiada kan sanggup membuang anak yang dikandung. Demikian rahmah seorang ibu. Ketahuilah rahmahKu jauh lebih agung. Ingatlah, rahmahKu jauh lebih agung.

Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang Ku kasihi. Ceritakanlah kepada mereka kisah kasih rahmah dan fitrah ini, rahmah agung bersaksikan langit dan bumi. Peringatan bagi yang masih berakal dan berhati, supaya diketahui sebabnya kehidupan ini.

Author: Muhd Noor Muhd Deros. Source: You tube.